How to
by eyemblacksheep
Collars are often seen at BDSM and Fetish events. It’s also not uncommon to hear talk about “being collared”.
There’s a lot of assumptions and preconceptions about collars and collaring, with some often speaking about it being a goal or dream to collar, or be collared. Especially around ‘Earning my collar’
If you’re experienced you may know all of this, but especially if you are new some bits can be a little bit confusing.
What does it mean? Do the collars mean anything? How do I earn my collar?
To start with a little disclaimer, not everyone you see wearing a collar outside of a fetish event is kinky.
Depending on the type of collar, they can be very popular in Alternative Music subcultures, or simply worn for fashion.
If you see someone on the street wearing a collar, don’t assume they’re kinky! (Although, some are a bit more obvious/likely).
Equally, whilst usually associated with being submissive; there are Dominants who also like the look of a collar.
Usually people wearing a collar is to dictate they are submissive. It may also, in many contexts, imply they are an *owned* submissive.
It is often heavily used as symbolism.
There are a lot of different styles and designs. From dog collars, leather collars, solid metal. Some which lock.
As a general rule the differences are only really down to individual preferences.
There may be subtle differences – for example someone into puppy play would be best suited to a dog collar.
Also, some people want to wear their collar 24/7 and so would need a design they would be appropriate to wear at their job, or when out in public in a vanilla setting.
The discreet metal collars make good day collars.
But usually any differences will be bound to your relationship.
This would depend on your relationship. If you are a single submissive, you may choose to wear one you feel comfortable with to display this. Especially at a fetish event.
There are some events where ALL submissives are expected to wear a collar – especially protocol events (such as Femdom or Maledom events).
If you are in any form of relationship it is usually expected that your Dominant would place the collar on you, where possible.
This could be used to signal the start of any ‘play’ or protocol.
This could also be used to signify you are THEIRS if you are attending an event with them.
You may also have agreed rules or boundaries that must be obeyed when the collar is on you for whatever duration of time.
In the cases of some owned submissives, or going through ownership; they may wear the collar 24/7, when practical, or, at a minimum, when in the presence of their Dominant.
It is usual that the Dominant will then remove the collar to signify that play or the period of protocol is over.
The easiest wider-world comparison is marriage. But this is often more of a commitment band, than a wedding band.
A Dominant will place the collar on the submissive to indicate possession. A “you are mine”.
The submissive will accept the collar as their loyalty and dedication to their Dominant.
There are lots of ways this could work and either party could initiate either the collaring or an “under consideration” period.
Some people choose to formalise the collaring during what is known as a ‘Collaring Ceremony’.
A little bit like a wedding, it is used to formalise commitments within the relationship. Usually around friends.
This could be something that takes place at a fetish event, or venue. Or be done somewhere privately among closer friends.
This is something that can be fully customisable around how the Dominant and submissive want to mark this.
It could include vows or commitments.
The Dominant could present the submissive with a brand new collar, with an older one removed.
There may be a ‘final task’ required to seal this.
This is up to you.
Also, unlike general weddings – this can be polyamorous, for example the Dominant may have multiple submissives. One or the other may also have a romantic, or other, partner.
There’s even examples of submissives collared to more than one Dominant (though, like any multi-person relationship structure, the service to one shouldn’t be to detriment to another).
If this is a route you go down, this can be how you like it. Collar ceremonies can certainly be a very special moment.
Pet Shops can be a very quick and simple solution, especially if you are into pet play.
However, you may want something with kink, fetish or BDSM in mind.
There are many retailers both online and in person where you can buy collars.
Online would include sites like LoveHoney, Honour and Uberkinky. But also, there are some amazing things to be found on Etsy.
Physically retailers such London Alternative Market and Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar are also really good to have a look before you commit.
If you are a single submissive looking to buy one for yourself, then of course take free pick of the design.
But in a relationship it may be expected for the Dominant to present you with the collar, or, at least, have the final say.
If you are a single submissive looking to buy one for yourself, then of course take free pick of the design.
But in a relationship it may be expected for the Dominant to present you with the collar, or, at least, have the final say.
HiddenMcr
Electrowerkz