Fetish Club Etiquette

How to

by eyemblacksheep

With it looking extremely promising that fetish clubs and events can resume, some of you will no doubt be planning on going to your very first event.

Some of you might have a bit more regularity to events, so some of this may be preaching to the choir, however it’s always important to understand the etiquette.

Particularly if you’re new, events can be both scary and exciting.  Both in the whole range of world of ‘anything could happen’ but also worried that you break some form of rule or code and upset someone.  Also, of course, wanting to get the most out of the event.

So here is a simple etiquette overview.

READ THE RULES

Simple and to the point. If the event has rules listed up, give them a read.  Most etiquette carries from place to place, but some might have rules specific to them.

This could include dress code, conduct, or what type of play or nudity is or isn’t allowed.

TG Etiquette Postcard

UNDERSTAND THE DRESSCODE

Dresscode can vary from place to place but I would hope that you’d want to look your best to make a good impression.
Torture Garden has a ‘dress to impress’ policy and many others have a smart black minimum, or no street clothes.

This can be daunting in the sense a lot of fetish wear can be very expensive.  It also might be that there’s some things you’re just not into.
But, a flick through galleries should give an idea and there are often inexpensive options.

If in doubt, contact the organiser with a photo of your proposed outfit.

CONSENT IS KEY

One of the big parts of the fetish community at large is ‘consent’.   If you go to parties you might see people in a whole range of amazing or revealing outfits.
Whilst many may be exhibitionist, the golden rule here is look but don’t touch.  Or, if it looks like someone might want to be touched, perhaps ask first – just to be on the safe side.

If you end up in any form of play scene with someone also, it’s very important that you are on the same wavelengths as of what is and isn’t permitted.

Photo by Chasing Tigers

DON’T INTERRUPT OTHERS SCENES

Many events have a play area and this is often an open plan which means that it can gather spectators to watch.

For assorted reasons it is important not to interrupt others while playing.  This is because it could distract someone which could lead to an accident, or a loss of headspace.

Interruption could include something explicitly like trying to join the scene (seeing someone spanking their sub and deciding you want to spank them also, so joining in), tapping someone to talk to them or for their attention (unless there’s a really good reason!)
It could also include something passive, like walking into the scene or pushing past – if there isn’t space to safely pass someone who is playing, then wait or go another way.

If you do feel you need to interrupt or stop a scene, it’s best to consult a dungeon monitor. They should be easily identifiable as being event staff.

TG Dungeon Monitor Rin, by [ 𝗡𝗢_𝗢𝗡𝗘 ] 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗼

IF YOU ARE PLAYING…

Then remember you’re in a shared space.  Your scene should not negatively affect someone else’s.
If there is a wait for others to use the equipment then try not to hog the space (some venues have policy on this, but, just be respectful of the shared space)
And, of course, clean down the equipment after use.  The venue should provide antiseptic wipes to clean down – but it will never go amiss to pack a few in your toy bag.

TG dungeon at Scala. Photo by Hyder Images

…BUT IT’S NOBODY’S JOB TO MAKE SURE YOU PLAY

If you go with a partner you intend to play with. Great.  Many people go to clubs and then meet someone they end up playing with, that’s also great!
But sometimes people go to events in the hope that someone will play with them and find they don’t get the results they want.
Events do not come with any form of certainty.
Not everyone is looking for play and even those who are, might be less interested in a random person they’ve never met before!

APPROACH RESPECTFULLY

At events you might see someone who looks cool.  Who you find attractive. Who you recognise from social media.
Chances are, you are a stranger to them.
Good approach : Hello, how are you?  I love your outfit. Are you enjoying the night? I am….
Bad approach 1 : *collapses to knees* Please Mistress/Sir make me your slave.

Bad approach 2 : On your knees slut, I’m your Dominant now!

Photo by Daf

DRINK RESPONSIBLY

Drinking can be a divisive subject within kink.  But, of course, drink and have a good time. Just don’t let your actions negatively affect others enjoyment of the event.

I would recommend, for assorted reasons, playing (if you intend to) before having too much to drink.   Reasons include the effect it has on your coordination, inhibitions and judgement.

HAVE FUN

The key to a good night is to go with having fun in mind and not pinning too much on getting play or meeting a prospective partner.

Enjoy the entertainment. Soak up the atmosphere.  Be respectful of those you talk to and let the magic unfold.

eyemblacksheep is a blogger and fetish film producer – you can check his website here (www.eyemblacksheep.com) and follow on Twitter @eyemblacksheep

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