by Divine Theratrix

You will be aware that TG enforces a Code of Conduct that centres consent. The Club Rules are notified to ticket holders in advance of an event, posted around the club itself on the night, and regular reminders are shared on social media channels. Rules are one thing, but etiquette can be a little more nuanced. In this article, Divine Theratrix helps you to understand how you need to behave to observe the etiquette at TG events.

What is etiquette?

‘Etiquette’ is defined as ‘the expected and accepted ways of behaving’. Etiquette changes depending on what situation you are in.

The etiquette at fetish clubs like TG is different to the etiquette in regular clubs and every day. Because of the nature of much of BDSM and kink play, it is very important to have clear communication around boundaries and consent, and this ethos is extended to regular interactions by club goers, as well as play.

If you want to have a good time and not annoy other guests, you should understand the etiquette before you attend.

What I will say about etiquette in this article is not intended to replace the Torture Garden Rules, but is supplemental to them. You should still read and understand the rules, which you can do here, but you can educate yourself further by absorbing the content of this article on etiquette.

For you to have the best night possible, it’s important to ensure you fully understand all aspects of the etiquette before attending!

Awareness

Awareness of others is key to observing etiquette.

You need to be aware of other peoples’ rights, such as their rights to:

1. Their personal space
2. Not be touched
3. Say “no”
4. Change their mind

This is why I have framed the rest of this article as a series of aspects that you need to maintain a dynamic awareness of to observe etiquette.

If you do your best to be aware of the following things, you will help to co-create a harmonious party space, which will mean a more enjoyable time for yourself and the people you engage with! Yay!

Be aware of space

1. Don’t dance too close to people you don’t know
2. Don’t hang out too close to a play scene
3. Approach new people you want to engage with politely, with respect to their personal space

Be aware of body language

1. Wait for a green light (read about the traffic light system of social cues here )
2. Notice signs of disinterest, and know when to leave a person alone!
3. Don’t approach from behind, you might startle someone
4. Don’t touch uninvited, that’s not ok!

Be aware of the vibe

1. Don’t stand and loudly narrate play scenes, you’ll ruin the vibe
2. Don’t interrupt scenes by trying to talk to people who are playing
3. Don’t give unsolicited advice to people in the middle of a scene. Our DMs are there to provide guidance if needed!
4. Don’t make unsolicited sexualised comments, or unsolicited comments on people’s bodies.

You can read more about dungeon etiquette here

Be aware of your perceived threat level

1. Your gender and race are just a couple of things that affect how others might perceive the threat level you present to them, even if your intentions are pure
2. Don’t assume anyone’s pronouns or sexuality

If the concept of perceived threat level is new to you, the following example might be useful to help you understand.

Let’s take the example of gender as being relevant to perceived threat level. Men might be perceived by women as posing a threat of harassment, so even if a man has benevolent intentions when approaching a woman, it is good to remember that a woman who has been harassed by men before is likely to view men in general with some degree of caution. Similarly, white people might be viewed with caution by people of colour who have experienced racism and micro aggressions from white people previously.

Still not sure? Words not your thing? View this great video on etiquette here

If anyone’s behaviour bothers you at a TG event, please do flag this up to our monitors who will be happy to help and work with you to ensure it doesn’t have to ruin your experience! It’s important to be aware of your surroundings and look after each other too, so if you see someone who looks like they might be in distress please flag this to our monitors who can check in.

TG Staff are trained to deal with a number of situations, and all reports of unsafe behaviour will be listened to and believed.

Thank you for observing the etiquette!

Divine Theratrix is a conscious kink and sex educator who has been attending Torture Garden for many years, and can often be found monitoring in the dungeon. She believes that the human body is art, and loves to teach people how to make art, with their art. You can find out more info here: https://divinetheratrix.com/