by eyemblacksheep

Aftercare is a very important part of any scene, play, or relationship.

Sometimes this is something that can be overlooked, especially if time is short or if the people participating are new.

Aftercare is something which can incorporate physical and mental care, and is important whether playing at home, a dungeon or a busy club.

At the end of play there are a lot of effects on the body and mind.
Whether this is cuts and bruises, anxiety, distress, the emotional rollercoaster.
Play also releases a lot of endorphins, and these have a ‘comedown’ effect.

The purpose of aftercare is for comfort, and helping both parties (sub and Dom) be able to resume the evening or their daily lives, in a positive mental state.

I THOUGHT AFTERCARE WAS JUST FOR SUBS?

While the needs of a Dominant may differ.  Both parties were in the scene.
Through its highs and lows.

The immediate priority should be the care for the sub, but the Dominant may also need some form of aftercare.
Again, a similar endorphin crash will affect them.

IN THE IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH

The Dominant should make sure the submissive is comfortable.
Finding a quiet space to talk and cuddle (but, ask first – don’t just assume everyone is happy to cuddle!) and provide reassurance and comfort.

If there are any cuts and bruises they may need to be tended to.  It also might be important if there was, say, a lot of verbal humiliation that you reassure the sub you don’t really think they’re a loser, pathetic, or whatever else you called them.

Having a soft, sugary, drink or chocolate can help get energy back up.

SELF CARE

If you live together, then it might be that you can continue forms of aftercare as ongoing.
However, if not there will be a need to manage some self care.

This could include anything from favourite music or TV. Comfort food. Keeping warm.
Some people find writing, either publicly or privately, can help with the processing and reflection.

A suggestion is to keep a ‘drop box’ of items to boost mood.

BUT FUTURE CARE WITH PARTNER IS IMPORTANT

The bulk of the aftercare is in the immediate aftermath of play, perhaps with more later in the evening the next morning.

Kink and play and scenes can be exciting and evoke a lot of emotions and sometimes reflecting on these a few days later can be a good time to talk.
What you both liked, or didn’t like. What would be good to have more of, or less of.
Even if it was designed to just be a one off a little reassurance you both had a good time (or resolving any problems if you didn’t).

It can always be good to start making plans for the future, that, if nothing else, it offers reassurances it wasn’t just filling-an-itch, but was time that meant something.

MAKE AFTERCARE PLANNING PART OF SCENE PLANNING

If you’re planning on some play together, it’s good to start factoring in aftercare when planning.
How long might you need? What might you need? Is there anything the other person should know?

Making sure there’s some time planned at the end can go a long way to both of your well beings.

eyemblacksheep is a blogger and fetish film producer – you can check his website here (www.eyemblacksheep.com) and follow on Twitter @eyemblacksheep