My name is Lilith. I am more than who I was when I began this journey, yet still I am less than who I will become. I am a creature of the night, in a world that lives by the day. Filled with longing and fuelled by passion, I watch and learn, walking in the shadows on the edge of our world. Through touch, scent and taste I explore these places and their people; learning, growing, and questing ever onward. These are my experiences; these are my words

Today I want to share the story of my first ever Torture Garden with you

I do this, because this is a night I hold dear to my heart. It may seem trivial to hold something as a fetish event so dearly, but I hope that by reading the following lines, you come to understand why it is so and why, once this challenging time in our lives is over, I hope to rejoice with my fellow TG family.  I also hope that my experience will give you the confidence you need if you have ever been curious to attend.  

My first TG was their Valentine’s Ball at The Coronet

At the time I’ve only gone to smaller events that were mainly goth/punk music orientated and not so much ‘fetish’, but a few friends were going and they invited me along. Checking their website whilst seeing how much ‘outfit planning’ was taking place amongst my friends, I soon realised this was a place where effort was a must. That became a bit of a challenge for me as I was going through a bad patch of self-confidence as I had gained quite a few pounds and I was losing a lot of my hair (thanks stress!) I went to TG’s Facebook page looking for inspiration and was met by a friendly online community that was able to give me some hints and tips. Taking their advice on board, I went to Camden on a cold and wet afternoon and after a few outfit changes I found my perfect outfit – a black and red cabaret style dress with an imbedded corset and lace overlay. I also spoiled myself to a leather chocker and a matching lace headpiece. There I stood on the night of the event, looking at my reflection in the mirror and not totally hating my appearance for once. So that was outfit sorted. Now I could fully focus my stress on the fetish side of things! 

I knew I was kinky…

…but I didn’t really know much about the scene as I was still figuring things out. My ‘scene’ friends were very experienced in comparison so add to that TG’s reputation for being the home of fetish and I ended up almost not going as I was scared that I would not fit in, or that people would look down on me. It turns out, I did not have to worry. We arrived at The Coronet quite early, but the queue was already a few hundred people deep. I remember seeing all the amazing outfits, from head-to-toe latex to some amazing pastel goth assembles – it was a fashion show like no other. The energy was incredible, it was almost like you could smell it in the air. Total strangers were introducing each other, complementing their outfits, helping each other with the finishing touches – it was like one big family. 

Walking into the venue was like entering a different universe; every inch of spare space had been turned into something out of Moulin Rouge. Red velvet fabrics, low candlelit lighting, vintage candelabras… it was as if you walked into the mind of Tim Burton. There were dance floor after dance floor, each bigger than the last one- and more dungeons and play areas than fingers could count. All my five senses went into overdrive and I was intoxicated by it all. 

I was sitting in the VIP area people watching (as one does!) when a very handsome guy, dressed in some sort of latex wolf outfit, asked if he could sit next to me. I nodded, thinking he must be waiting for someone. But I was wrong for he then started talking to me, complimenting me on my dress and my overall look. Let me remind you that at the time I thought I was the ugliest thing on Earth, so this was all a bit of a shock. We started talking and sharing anecdotes when he asked me what I was into – at the time the only I tried and loved spanking (which I still do) so I shyly told him so. He then asked if I wanted to do a scene with him – something gentle as he knew I was a newbie. A scene! With me!

He stood up and held his hand out, which I grabbed and off to the dungeon we went. 

After the scene, which followed by really tender aftercare, I was on a high and I wanted to keep exploring the club, which he understood perfectly so we swamped numbers and promised to keep in touch (which we did, and I can proudly say we are still great friends). So with a glass of bubbly on my hand, a warm buttocks and an after scene ‘glow’, I decided to head to the dance floor.

A few hours of dancing and meeting new people…

…I finally found my friends again – it was then when my eyes locked on a tall, blonde and ridiculously handsome guy who had joined my friends. ‘If only’ I told myself. The group conversation continued for a while until I felt someone behind me – it was him. ‘Hi, I’m Allan – I see we have some common friends here – first time?’ Now that he was inches away from me, he looked so much taller and very intimidating. I simply nodded and he smiled.  

I don’t really know how we ended up in the upper stands

(The Coronet was an old theatre) but one minute were throwing banter at each other and crying with laugher and the next we were kissing and biting each other furiously. I caught a few eyes staring at us, and the thrill of playing in public was exhilarating. In the mist of all that sensual tension, I caught the eye of a beautiful woman, dressed in a tight pink latex dress and matching patent heels. She was watching us with a mischievous grin which was turning me on even more, and before I knew it, two became three. I never kissed a girl before (except for a drunken kiss while on a hen do in Spain) so this was all very new to me.

Kissing and touching led to undressing, and it was then when I just freaked out and froze. Here I was, sitting between two beautifully toned bodies, feeling too ashamed to take my clothes off. I felt like a lump of fat with stretch marks. The girl, Jess, looked at me with worry and asked me if I was okay. ‘I don’t like my body’ I mumbled, to which she responded by holding my face in her hands and saying ‘I think you are beautiful, I mean, I’ll trade my boobs for yours right now’ which made me smile. ‘We don’t have to go further than this’ Allan responded. So we didn’t. For a while at least.  We continued to play the three of us and with each kiss, bite and grab, I felt more and more confident – here I was, with two beautiful inside and out people, on Valentine’s weekend, wearing an amazing dress and having the best time ever. I glanced around the room and I saw people from all races, genres, shapes and walks of life. TG was for everyone. By now I was also so turned on that I was caring less and less about my body and focusing more on how good I was feeling. And so, the dress came undone (which is easier said than done because let me tell you, corset dresses are tricky to take off!)

By the end of the night, it was 6am and the sun was rising.

We bought ice creams from the corner shop while we waited for our ride home. I arrived home exhausted, exhilarated but above all, happy. I had make up, sweat and ice cream all over me but I didn’t care. I had a night of discovery, debauchery and pure joy. For I didn’t just dip my toes to test the water – I jumped to the deep end, and I was there to stay. 

You can read more from this author at https://senseofclarity.com/